Let me preface this by saying that I’m a feminist. A Texas Feminist, in fact, and a member of the executive board. I believe in gender equality, I protest pay gaps in the west mall, and occasionally I don’t shave my legs (though that might be due to laziness instead of my political beliefs).
However… every now and then, I stumble upon a recipe, and the first thought that pops into my mind is: “This is food that can get you wifed.”
Allow me to explain. I’m just going to assume that all my Austin readers have been to Chuy’s (if you haven’t, you’re dead to me). And if you have, certainly you’ve asked for the creamy jalapeño dip alongside your salsa (if you haven’t, see previous note). It’s light green, speckled with tiny bits of cilantro, refreshing, and has a tiny bite. It’s heaven in a primary-colored plastic bowl. It has its own Facebook fan page (shameless plug: so do I! “Like” me!).
Creamy jalapeño dip is a substance that nations fight wars over. It’s valued somewhere between smoked salmon and pure platinum in price per ounce. The creamy jalapeño dip industry has been proven again and again to be recession-proof. Creamy jalapeño dip for Austin city council. Amen.
So anyway, if you’re looking to snag a special lady or guy, make this for them. Scientifically tested; photographic evidence below.
Creamy Jalapeño Dip*. Yields almost 2 cups.
1 c. mayonnaise
1/2 c. sour cream (I used 1/4 c. sour cream, 1/4 c. yogurt)
1-2 cloves finely minced garlic (no more! It’s really strong)
1/4 c. roughly chopped onion (or a little less)
1 tbsp. parsley flakes or 1/4 c. fresh parsley, chopped
1 tbsp. Worcestershire sauce
2 tbsp. chives, green onions, or a combination of the two
1/3 c. (or a small can) of green chilies, diced
A handful of cilantro (more or less, to taste)
Juice of one lime
2 jalapeños, chopped (and seeded, if you prefer)*****
Buttermilk (as needed to reach your desired consistency. I used about 1/4 cup milk and 1 tbsp. of vinegar to make a very sour buttermilk.)
Salt and pepper, to taste
Throw everything in the blender except the buttermilk and blend away! If it’s too thick, add buttermilk; traditional creamy jalapeño is very thin. Serve chilled with tortilla chips or on top of a salad.
*If you want to cut corners, skip the garlic, onion, salt, parsley, and Worcestershire sauce, and use a proportional amount of Ranch dip mix instead.
*****OMG wear gloves. For some reason I decides to chop and core jalapenos with my bare hands. They burned for HOURS. I soaked them in: ice water, half a gallon of milk, vegetable oil, baking soda and water, and rubbing alcohol. None of it worked and I had to wait it out.